There is a big difference between rough/bumpy and broken/gravelly. As others have said, choppy pavement that requires a lot of suspension movement is best handled by getting up off the seat so that one thing does occur and another does not.
By removing your butt from the seat and flexing your knees, you remove some of the weight that your suspension must deal with, allwing for faster response, keeping your tires contact patch on the road and keeping better traction.
You aslo achieve preventing your upper body from being bounced around, which decreases adrenaline/fear, keeps your vision from becoming blurred by the rapid motion, which in turn decreases fear and increases confidence.
As far as your upper body goes, as both 71 H1 and tyster said, relax your grip (again fear causes the hand spasms which cause us to really want to squeeze those grips) letting the bars kinda float in your hands.
You prolly hold your breath, too. I do when I get tense; so I make myself consciously BREATHE slow big breaths when I find myself in challenging circumstances. I self talk myself "breathe in , breathe out" over and over; it keeps me from tensing up and has the added benefit of keeping my brain and muscles well oxygenated so i'm better able to react when something untoward happens.
Best thing for learning to ride on broken up, gravelly/sandy pavement is to use, beg borrow, steal (or god knows even BUY ) a smaller (100-250cc) dirtbike and do some dirt trail riding. Kenny Roberts used to train GP riders at his school with 100cc Hondas in the dirt. Bikes are light to keep wayward momentum to a manageable minimum, but quick enough to get a real feeling of speed.
Deliberately sliding a 425-500lb high-center-of-gravity streetbike is best put off till you've had a bit of dirtbike experience, IMHO....
But then, what do I know, right?
Relax, and get yer butt off the seat and lose the deathgrip on the bars; you'll be OK.
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